[Warning: This is not a humerous tale. There are some funny parts, but it appears I left them out. I will write them later, as they are worth sharing, but this part is not an enjoyable read. Proceed at your own risk.]
After three months that have gone in a blink I'm finally getting around to telling the story. It's not a great story, though I'm sure there are some great things about it. When I figure out what they are, I'll let you know.
Sigh....where to begin....where I left off I guess. As many of you know, from reading this blog of course, I had a heart wrenching decision about which job to take, and I decided on Klamath Falls, Oregon. I frantically started sorting and packing and hauling loads to Good Will. I put my house on the market, took a deep breath, and drove to Klamath Falls on a Sunday afternoon. I stayed in a really scary motel because it was the least expensive one I could find, and started the new job on Monday morning.
This could be a really long entry if I added all the little details that keep popping into my mind (there are three good stories just about the motel), and I'm sure I would lose most if not all of you by the end, plus I'm really tired and have to get up early, so I'll just give you the bare bones skeleton here and tell the other part in installments later.
The just the facts ma'am version is this. The job was good, my huge office, the benefits, my boss, the way the agency was run....my dream job. I loved it there and was really happy I'd found that place.
The rest of it was awful. There were problems with my house, and the deal fell through. There was a housing shortage and the only place I could find to live that I could even tolerate was way, way out of my budget. I couldn't afford both my house payment here and the rent there. I was more lonely than I even thought possible. I am fine alone. I've been alone a lot, but it was just different. I kept getting lost in the town and ending up by the railroad tracks where the drug dealers were. I had knots in my stomach and felt this sense of doom and dread all the time. I cried myself to sleep every night. It was just too much. So, I quit the job and came back.
There is of course more, and I'll tell anyone who wants to hear it, but won't bore the rest of you who don't.
It really makes no sense to me, and I'm still analyzing it way too much in my attempt to figure it out. I could have rented out my house, I would have found my way around, met new people and made new friends, I could have adjusted. I've done this before. It astounds me that I felt so panicked, so much so that I quit the job and turned back, losing my entire savings in the process (moving van deposit, apartment....etc...). I'm still not sure exactly what happened, only that I couldn't handle all of it.
This whole thing is so not like me. Something I never thought I would do. But, that's what I did. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Where to go from here. It's been a whole year since I graduated, and I'm still not working as a therapist....maybe I never will.
What I have learned so far:
I'm not good at moving.
Even really strong people crumble.
The thing you think could never happen sometimes does.
I'm no longer welcome in Klamath Falls, Oregon (there are a lot of people there who hate my guts, but one person who still really likes me).
....to be continued....
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Wow, I can't believe Thanksgiving is only a few days a way... Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I'm always checking out the blog, so I thought I better post too! Janett, I'm so jealous that you were able to go to Virginia in the fall! Can't wait to hear about how you like the east coast!
Some updates about me... I did finally make it out to Rhode Island in September. It was a great trip visiting Jeff and seeing some of New England (I loved Boston and Newport Beach!). I love all of the old historic buildings of the east coast. I hope to go back in January or February and see if I can brave the New England cold. Jeff will be visiting again in early December so I will be having Christmas twice this year, when he is here and then with my family later in the month.
I have made my first big purchase since being a working adult, I bought my first new car. As some of you know, I seemed to be breaking down every other week in my car and then my parents' car too while mine was in the shop. Joy thought I had bad car karma, but I still haven't figured out what I have done to cars previously to deserve the bad car karma, I've always tried to be a good car owner! I am very happy to not be panicking on the side of the road anymore as I try to figure out what broke in my car this time!
Work is as busy as ever with the holidays around the corner. I need to start getting organized with all of my hours so that I can hopefully get ready for licensure next year as that is my goal for 2008.
Unfortunately, I don't have any fun pictures to post as my computer had broken down too in the past few months and I am using my old college laptop and it doesn't do well with lots of fancy programs! I hope to catch up with many of you soon, if you are still in the area, let's make some plans for a weekend coffee... I'm always up for an eggnog latte during the winter!
Some updates about me... I did finally make it out to Rhode Island in September. It was a great trip visiting Jeff and seeing some of New England (I loved Boston and Newport Beach!). I love all of the old historic buildings of the east coast. I hope to go back in January or February and see if I can brave the New England cold. Jeff will be visiting again in early December so I will be having Christmas twice this year, when he is here and then with my family later in the month.
I have made my first big purchase since being a working adult, I bought my first new car. As some of you know, I seemed to be breaking down every other week in my car and then my parents' car too while mine was in the shop. Joy thought I had bad car karma, but I still haven't figured out what I have done to cars previously to deserve the bad car karma, I've always tried to be a good car owner! I am very happy to not be panicking on the side of the road anymore as I try to figure out what broke in my car this time!
Work is as busy as ever with the holidays around the corner. I need to start getting organized with all of my hours so that I can hopefully get ready for licensure next year as that is my goal for 2008.
Unfortunately, I don't have any fun pictures to post as my computer had broken down too in the past few months and I am using my old college laptop and it doesn't do well with lots of fancy programs! I hope to catch up with many of you soon, if you are still in the area, let's make some plans for a weekend coffee... I'm always up for an eggnog latte during the winter!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
More more thing. . .
Margie, please, please, please, please post something! There is nothing like a Margie story to put a smile on one's face!
Happy Fall Everyone!
I'm so glad people keep posting! I have been meaning to post but have not had anything too excited to write about. Oh, I did try to quit my job but I let my boss talk me into staying. Now she is stepping down from her position. Interesting. By the way thanks to everyone that has sent me job postings or has listening to my rantings on how much I want to leave my job. You keep me sane! I'm at the point where I am consistently questioning if I just wasted $50,000 on my education because I want to work in a basement, alone, where there are no office phones, cell phones, treatment plans, FTDMs, clinical supervision, program supervision, clinical staffings, case manager meetings, or crisis phones. Sadly, I'm feeling burnout already. I realize that I got through the summer because I went on vacation--a lot. So here are some pictures.
Richmond...
Hello from Virginia!
First off, I'm so glad to hear from Megan! Keep us updated with your goings-on though be gentle when referring to the excellent snow you have there : )
Secondly, I'm enjoying the east coast. Everyone we have encountered here is SO friendly! I've been called sweetie too many times to remember : ) Crystal, as you predicted, the fall colors are beautiful! I think they must have the kind of trees that don't just "give up" their leaves in October. The weather was in the 70's yesterday, wait, did I take the plane to Hawai'i?!? The buildings here are amazing! Each is so unique, I just want to stand and admire, even when we are in the car. We scoped out VCU last night and today Mike has his interview. I think I may be stressing more than he is : ) The medical campus is located east of the main university, giving it a PLU feel. Except their buildings aren't quite as "unique" as our building was... Mike was quick to point out VCU has the same colors as PLU; I haven't figured out if that was a good thing : )
One thing I have learned not to like is toll roads, grr! They seem to be every mile or so AND their roads are pretty crappy. Maybe there aren't as many once you get out of the city a ways...we'll see!
In other more mundane news, work is picking up considerably. I am swamped with intakes and treatment plans. I am still deciding what is better, being so bored I have no other choice than to improve my chess game (damn computer keeps winning!) or being so inundated by phone calls, emails, sessions and supervision that the day flies by... Given the recent stressful nature of the job, I have re-started taking ballet. It's very easy to forget self-care when you don't feel like you are actually working. My goal is to make classes two nights a week. We'll see how that goes : )
Co-habitation life is good. The only on-going "conflict" we have is over Capone's newly re-discovered habit of waking at 5am and playing with Mike's feet, claws included. Being a therapist, I re-frame the gesture as an expression that Capone has now accepted him and is trying establish a bond. He isn't buying it. Clinically, she has increased her threshold for friskiness to new levels, voluntarily climbing in the tub to play, turning the living room into her own private pin-ball match and oddly, licking the windows in the morning. Shrug, maybe its like coffee to her : ) If anyone notices any patterns, please feel free to share!
Janett
First off, I'm so glad to hear from Megan! Keep us updated with your goings-on though be gentle when referring to the excellent snow you have there : )
Secondly, I'm enjoying the east coast. Everyone we have encountered here is SO friendly! I've been called sweetie too many times to remember : ) Crystal, as you predicted, the fall colors are beautiful! I think they must have the kind of trees that don't just "give up" their leaves in October. The weather was in the 70's yesterday, wait, did I take the plane to Hawai'i?!? The buildings here are amazing! Each is so unique, I just want to stand and admire, even when we are in the car. We scoped out VCU last night and today Mike has his interview. I think I may be stressing more than he is : ) The medical campus is located east of the main university, giving it a PLU feel. Except their buildings aren't quite as "unique" as our building was... Mike was quick to point out VCU has the same colors as PLU; I haven't figured out if that was a good thing : )
One thing I have learned not to like is toll roads, grr! They seem to be every mile or so AND their roads are pretty crappy. Maybe there aren't as many once you get out of the city a ways...we'll see!
In other more mundane news, work is picking up considerably. I am swamped with intakes and treatment plans. I am still deciding what is better, being so bored I have no other choice than to improve my chess game (damn computer keeps winning!) or being so inundated by phone calls, emails, sessions and supervision that the day flies by... Given the recent stressful nature of the job, I have re-started taking ballet. It's very easy to forget self-care when you don't feel like you are actually working. My goal is to make classes two nights a week. We'll see how that goes : )
Co-habitation life is good. The only on-going "conflict" we have is over Capone's newly re-discovered habit of waking at 5am and playing with Mike's feet, claws included. Being a therapist, I re-frame the gesture as an expression that Capone has now accepted him and is trying establish a bond. He isn't buying it. Clinically, she has increased her threshold for friskiness to new levels, voluntarily climbing in the tub to play, turning the living room into her own private pin-ball match and oddly, licking the windows in the morning. Shrug, maybe its like coffee to her : ) If anyone notices any patterns, please feel free to share!
Janett
Friday, November 02, 2007
I know...I know....
Hi Everyone!
I know-I have been awful about posting-I think this is the longest I have gone! I have been checking in and reading, I just feel like I have been (and still am) trying to make some decisions and part of me doesn't want to post until I have a decision-but what the hell, maybe you guys can all help me. I'll give an update to start-Matt and I are doing well-so is Larry (he just turned 2 and is snoring away at my feet as I type) We are already looking forward to another ski/snowboarding season (sorry Suse!) although I am determined to buy a helmet before charging the slopes. We are amazed that we have been here over a year now and when I think back to a year ago, I am thankful for how far we have come (the fact that we now both have jobs, we've met amazing friends-I can't complain)
My big dilemma these days is what to do professionally. While my job is going well, I am not feeling satisfied and I am feeling a pull to get back into therapy (I knew it would come and you can all say "I told you so...") It has really been a progression-my job now can get stressful yet it's mindless so I feel the need to be challenged a bit more-I have always want to do my own business in some way to have some freedom and I have been brainstorming different business ideas with Matt, when finally, it hit me to actually use my degree and possibly go into private practice. I am at the VERY beginning stages (so Katherine and Jason-I will be calling you SOON for some advice!) I find that I am struggling with a few things-being in a new state and away from the support of our program, I am having a tough time researching the legal requirements and figuring out supervisors, getting clients, etc. It's a work in progress so I will keep you all posted.
Have any of you heard of post degree programs-there are quite a few here and while I'm not wanting to shell out more $$$ for additional coursework at this time (I feel like PLU did a good job) I always open to more education and a lot of them offer clinical and supervision only paths towards licensure in CO. I thought I would look into a little more but I thought I would ask all of you if you've had any experience with these programs. Any advice?? I feel like I"m needing a little support right now so any advice would help.
I miss all of you so much-I will wite again soon and possibly post some pictures. Keep posting everyone-I love reading the updates-although I"m sad that I"m not up there to see all of you. Talk to you soon.
Love,
Megan
I know-I have been awful about posting-I think this is the longest I have gone! I have been checking in and reading, I just feel like I have been (and still am) trying to make some decisions and part of me doesn't want to post until I have a decision-but what the hell, maybe you guys can all help me. I'll give an update to start-Matt and I are doing well-so is Larry (he just turned 2 and is snoring away at my feet as I type) We are already looking forward to another ski/snowboarding season (sorry Suse!) although I am determined to buy a helmet before charging the slopes. We are amazed that we have been here over a year now and when I think back to a year ago, I am thankful for how far we have come (the fact that we now both have jobs, we've met amazing friends-I can't complain)
My big dilemma these days is what to do professionally. While my job is going well, I am not feeling satisfied and I am feeling a pull to get back into therapy (I knew it would come and you can all say "I told you so...") It has really been a progression-my job now can get stressful yet it's mindless so I feel the need to be challenged a bit more-I have always want to do my own business in some way to have some freedom and I have been brainstorming different business ideas with Matt, when finally, it hit me to actually use my degree and possibly go into private practice. I am at the VERY beginning stages (so Katherine and Jason-I will be calling you SOON for some advice!) I find that I am struggling with a few things-being in a new state and away from the support of our program, I am having a tough time researching the legal requirements and figuring out supervisors, getting clients, etc. It's a work in progress so I will keep you all posted.
Have any of you heard of post degree programs-there are quite a few here and while I'm not wanting to shell out more $$$ for additional coursework at this time (I feel like PLU did a good job) I always open to more education and a lot of them offer clinical and supervision only paths towards licensure in CO. I thought I would look into a little more but I thought I would ask all of you if you've had any experience with these programs. Any advice?? I feel like I"m needing a little support right now so any advice would help.
I miss all of you so much-I will wite again soon and possibly post some pictures. Keep posting everyone-I love reading the updates-although I"m sad that I"m not up there to see all of you. Talk to you soon.
Love,
Megan
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